Friday, April 3rd, 2009 will always be a date that will stick in my mind for the rest of my life. It was the day I had dreaded for nearly 8 months, but was looking forward to in a strange detached way too.
Every single question I’d had about the operation I had found answers to. I had watched the operation numerous times of Youtube and knew the specification and details of how the Da Vinci robot worked. I was as prepared technically as I could possibly be but I was still very scared.
We arrived right on time at the Paragon suite at Wrexham Park Hospital and were shown to my room, number 3, by one of the many helpful members of staff. Some of them I had met the day before and therefore there was a lot of helloing going on between the front door and my new home for the next couple of days.
The room was pretty nice, good sized hospital bed with full adjustments, a TV with a built in DVD player, en-suite bathroom/shower and my own fridge. They even had canvas photo prints on the wall depicting flowers and I remember looking at them and thinking to myself that I could do better than that.
With the operation at 8am there was a bit of a rush to get things organised, authorisations to sign, needles and lines to be put in and last minute checks to be done. Everything went like clockwork. I met Mr Karim who smiled at me and give me a warm “you are going to be ok” feeling. The the anaesthetist arrived, asked me a whole bunch of questions before heading off with a “I’ll see you shortly” wave.
I took one final oppertunity to go to the bathroom before the off and then it was time. Porters arrived to take me to my fate. I had asked my Father to come with me as well as my Wife so that she had some company and also that I could see him before I went down.
My father has been an inspiration to me throughout this whole experience. I watched him firstly go through replacement knee surgery to install a new titanium knee, and he never complained about the obvious pain and discomfort he was feeling. I then watched as he was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer but again no complaints or ever saw him upset or depressed. I stood shoulder to shoulder, Man to Man, with him on the day of his operation and cried publicly as I left him only to rush back to see him once Mr Karim had worked his magic. I was there for him 24/7 throughout his recovery going to each of his appointments, speaking with Mr Brown, and getting to see first hand how my Father dealt with each day by putting one foot in front of another.
And now it was my turn. I gave him the biggest hug I could and then looked at him. My Father, 64 years old, was standing in front of me while I followed in his foot steps. I was so proud of him for all he had come through with such digity and strong character. I love you Dad.
I then turned to my wife, and gave her such a hug I felt the air leave her body, we kissed and I looked deep into her eyes. “It’s going to be OK” I said to her, knowing full well that she was as scared as I was. I was determined to behave as if I was simply going to have a tooth removed and not show how scared i really was. I think I might have pulled that one off.
I then got on the bed, past my glasses to my darling Diana, and we set off to theater. On the way we went down a long corridor which, to my unfocused eyes, looked strange. There were a couple of people ahead of us but they looked blurred and were only shapes. Further down the corridor was a large bright light. “Bollocks” I thought, this is not a good sign and reminded myself to stay away from the light if I saw it again.
On reaching the theater Diana and I parted ways. I got off the bed, and we gave each other another big hug and kiss. “I love you” I told her to which she replied that she loved me too and then all of a sudden she turned away from me and walked away. I could tell that she was crying, that this was very hard on her and that she would have been in with me if we could have.
My Diana, my darling wife, mother of my children, and my best friend. She had been so strong for me while I fell into depression, kicked me in the arse when I needed it and helped me through the many dark days I had prior to the operation. She cried, don’t get me wrong, as did I, but she didn’t let it show. She is my rock, my world and my soul mate. I love her with all my heart and soul.
I then found myself standing outside the theater alone. At this point I could easily walk back to the room and take my wife and father home and not go through with the operation. For a split second I contemplated it but then thought about everything my wife, father, mother, and my children has been through in their lives and decided there and then that I needed to walk back in and face up to my future.
I had read up on what to expect to happen when I was going to be put to sleep and there were a few things that worried me. I didn’t want to be awake when they put the breathing tube in, I didn’t want to be awake if they needed to add a central line through my neck and I didn’t want to wake up half way through the operation! I explained all this to the anaesthetist and he calmed me down and told me that they would do the breathing tube and an arterial line in the left wrist once I was fully under.
It was at this point where I had to leave my modesty at the door. Not that I have issues with being naked just not in a room full of strangers. I stripped off and climbed onto a funny bench thing which had a thick, sticky green pad on it to prevent me from sliding off. I made some joke or other about feeling like a fly on fly-paper and then settled down to let them work their magic.
Earlier the anaesthetist had told me that I would be placed at 45 degrees with my head down through out the operation and that when I woke up again I would most likely have a very fat face from where the liquid from my body would drain down towards my head. “Nice” I thought, I’m going to look a mess when this is all done.
I was getting a little worked up by then, talking way too much and getting itchy feet. It was decided to give me some diasapan to help calm me down as soon as the first line into the back of my hand was in. I didn’t fell that “slight scratch” that they always tell you when taking blood or shoving a needle into you which was good because I hadn’t realised they had started putting in the diasapan. As soon as that hit my system I felt a little light headed and a whole lot calmer.
Now for the Star Trek moment. A small device was stuck on my forehead which would tell them how deeply asleep I was by displaying a number. WOW I thought, I’d like to see that in action, shame I wouldn’t. This was the first hint I had about the jump in technology since I’d had my appendix out 30 years earlier.
I looked over at the anaesthetist and he smiled back at me. “It’ll be OK, don’t worry about anything” he said before taking a syringe in his hand. “This will feel like half a bottle of whisky” he said showing me about 25ml of a clear liquid. It may as well have been whiskey for all I knew. As soon as he’d finished putting it in, my head swam and I fell into the darkness.
This is not the droid you are looking for!